Curio Uni of CanberraHow a Free Sausage Can Make a Difference this Election

The election is coming. Each and every day its getting closer and closer as wannabe politicians come knocking at your door asking for your opinions on roads and cars and buildings and almost everything that you don’t care about. Shaking hands, kissing babies, wearing fluro vests in an attempt to look the part in an industrial centre – that hardhat aint foolin’ nobody Kev; and that baby clearly wants to go back into its pram Miss Wong.

Wooing us with hard hats and fake smiles gets you nowhere with the generation that counts. They are a group of people who live off the smell of an oil rag. A group of people who will pull parliament house apart brick by brick if a goon tax passes, a group of people who are the future of this country and a group of people who you should be bribing to get votes from, because we are the people that count. And we are uni students and we are easily persuaded and I will tell you how.

Free shit. It’s that simple. I’m not talking about tacky t-shirts and pens, nor am I talking about bits of paper that have your face on it and end up in the bin. I’m talking food and I’m talking about supporting your local community. The other day I was browsing the Internet and I found a website that was pure gold and I wish I knew that it existed long ago. If you head along to www.electionsausagesizzle.com.au, you will find a website full of what Google maps was made to do – find local sausage sizzles near you on Election Day.

I have been through a couple of elections, local, state and national. They are pretty boring affairs, I’m not going to lie. You try and find a park then fight your way through the hoards of old people whining about the cost of dentures and funeral insurance.  Then you have to dodge the people handing out flyers in their brightly coloured – bad slogan t-shirts. Waiting in line for hours to put a slip of paper in a box- it’s a nightmare!  But this process wouldn’t be half bad if there was free food. Sure, there are sausage sizzles – pay $2 and you get an overcooked sausage with some seedy onions on some stale white bread, sauce if you’re lucky. For another $2 you can have a soft drink that’s been sitting in the fridge since Kevin ’07 came on the scenes. But I am telling you, giving out free bacon and egg rolls, free coffee, free sausages and free cakes will make it worth it. Don’t spend thousands of dollars on signs. Fuck the signs; spend the money on sausages from local butchers, eggs from local chickens and bacon- so much bacon. We students who are lucky to have vegemite for their toast for breakfast will appreciate it more than you know.

So I put this to you, dear politicians. Don’t waste your time putting out signs or knocking on doors. Support your local butcher, grocer and baker. Give us the free shit we deserve, give us bacon and egg rolls like they are going out of fashion, give us fresh cooked sausages and onion cooked in beer and I guarantee you that we will be too mesmerized by the free food that we won’t even know who the other parties are. Not to mention that the local butcher will be voting for you and spreading the sausage love after you spend however much money on snags to feed a whole neighbourhood on election day. I dare you to take a risk and do this and when you win a seat in that big white building, well, you can thank me later.

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